one for you and one for me...
We have six cows and we are a rich family...
Not that... after that you will lift my veil and want to make love to me?
Well, then should I start without lifting the veil?
I wasn't expecting to get married on my first trip to India...
I need some time...
And I would like our first night to happen...
after we get to know each other better in London...
I have already spoken to dad about leaving for London...
on the same night we get married.
You come to London and see my lifestyle...
and we get to know each other...
after that I am ready to come back here...
I hope you understand...
Understand? Understood!
There is no force in love and...
I fell in love the moment I saw you...
Now our first night will only be in London...
Thanks.
You are laughing again?
I was thinking that I will be the first guy from my family...
who will have his first night in London!
Ok bye... l'll go do some exercise...
Jaswant, open the gym!
Parvez, don't be stingy...
I have only one daughter and one son-in-law
and there will be only one reception.
The reception should be on a grand scale in London.
Entire London should notice it and talk about it!
Son, have cheese... - No, I will eat the watermelon.
Moni, the reception will not be in a hall...
We will do it in our own way. We will rent a house in the countryside...
and put tents there... After that there will be celebrations!
Then people will talk about it.
I haven't had my first night yet, and they are talking about the reception...
The friends of the bride are also not to be seen...
who would guide me to the room...
Jazz, come...
...lt has been decided that your reception will not be in any hotel.
It will happen in the countryside! - Countryside!
Full Desi style. - Absolutely Desi!
What reception?
I am sorry. Why are you people holding a reception?
Well, if you consider that drama in India to be a marriage,
and you are holding a reception for that, then let me inform you that...
even I did a drama of my own.
Jazz, if you get caught, there will be another drama,
mostly emotional blackmail. Perhaps there will be torture also.
Just play along. Back here who will recognize this marriage?
Just by taking seven rounds around a sacred fire...
is not accepted as a legal marriage in London.
What is the legal proof that I am married?
Anything can happen there. I mean, this guy can get very aggressive...
"It is a matter of my pride! I only want to marry her"
He can't do much here. He will have to go back home, quietly.
What are you saying?
Oh please... don't act so shocked dad.
You have also tricked me...
pretending to show me the Taj Mahal and Kashmir and instead got me married.
I played a trick too, and...
did not give you time for the registration of the marriage.
And an unregistered marriage is not accepted by the legal system here.
So now you forget about the reception ...because, according to me,
I am unmarried and single
So thanks for a great adventurous holiday. Nice meeting you, Mr Arjun.
Jasmeet? What are you saying?
According to me, you are already married to Arjun Singh.
And according to me, that Charlie Chaplin is also married.
Not once but twice. - Thrice...
You heard that? Thrice!
Does Charlie intend to break the record of most number of marriages...
or do you want to add to his record of most number of divorces?
Sometimes one can make a mistake choosing a life partner...
He made mistakes too...
A mistake committed once is called a mistake,
but when it is repeated again and again, then it's called a habit.
What if he leaves you tomorrow, saying he's sorry...
because he made a mistake again? then what will you do?
Correct! - Look guys, whether you agree or not,
I will only marry Charlie. If that's a mistake, at least...
it will be my mistake and not yours. So chill.
You'd asked me a question before I left, I have come to give you an answer.
What?
I'm sorry. Spent too much time in India.
Spoke too much Hindi. Didn't realise what I was saying.
But I do realise, the answer to your question is yes.
Yes, I will marry you.
My heart kept saying that she will not get a better guy than you.
That is why I forced her.
But I will never allow her to marry that Charlie. I promise you...
even if it means I have to use force again.
This is London, not Punjab.
She will walk out of your house.
And if she complains against you,
the cops might arrest you and you might end up in jail.
And by the time you're out, you'd have become a grandfather...
and I would be a bachelor father. - Then what I should do? What...?
Nothing. Don't do anything.
Because whenever you try to do something, it has the opposite results.
And in the process, you will lose your daughter and I will lose my wife.
Then you should do something to win her heart.
You know, something that will show that Charlie is a bad person.
You know...
do something stylish or heroic that will make her feel you're the better person.
You know what I mean? - See, this isn't the time...
to show style or heroics nor to show that someone is a bad person.
This is the time for true love.
If she can see my true love,
then maybe she might feel the same for me.
He is a white guy... white!
Had he been an Indian, would you have sent me back to Punjab?
That's not what I meant... - Your body is in a foreign land but...
your soul is still stuck at the Gateway of India.
You want to live in a clean city like London, earn in pounds...
give the kids an English lifestyle, but insist on an Indian son-in-law!
I wonder why...
Father-in-law, neither Jazz acknowledges our marriage...
nor the law of this land. We have only one solution...
to do exactly what Jasmeet says.
Because under these circumstances we have to listen to her.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear lmran.
Happy birthday to you.
Thank you.
All right, and that's myself. Thank you.
That must be Jazz. I'll get her.
You didn't care to invite your parents to your birthday party,
but... I have brought you a gift.
Mr Khan, you absolutely have no right... - You keep out of it!
The advise that you gave to Jasmeet has not only shattered her family...
but...
it has also destroyed the life of an innocent man.
You should be ashamed!
Enjoy the party.
You've made me the happiest man in the world.
What...? - I'm sorry.
I've just been through a lot lately.
Let me just set up my life mentally and you can...
do what you want physically.
It's fine. There's no rush.
Good night. - Good night.
Sleep well. - You too.
The Englishman is handsome...
but not as much as me!
I am just joking...
Now you can't expect me to appreciate my wife's boyfriend more than this.
What's his name?
Charlie Brown.
And you? Jasmeet Brown... no... Jazz Brown.
So you have made up your mind about becoming Jazz Brown?
Yes.
Then why did you lie to me in Punjab?
Why did you show me dreams about our first night in London?
If only you would have told me that instead of becoming Mrs. Arjun Singh,
you wanted to be Jazz Brown, I would have stepped away.
I know what I've done to you is very bad.
Perhaps you will hate me all your life...
but...
I don't hate you...
...I can't and never will.
What?
I fell in love with you the moment I saw you...
and that's why I got married to you.
Yeah, for a while upstairs, I did try to hate you but couldn't.
but I will never force you to treat me as your husband.
nor will I lose hope.
Nor will I go away from here.
And Jasmeet, I won't go from here...
until you and Charlie take your wedding vows in the church.
I will wait for you until then...
and hope that you will come back to me.
Know why?
I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.
"Oh heart..."
"how can you be so sure..."
"that someone who isn't mine will become mine"
"Oh my restless heart"
"Is this what love is all about"
"Oh my restless heart"
"Is this what love is all about"
"Oh heart, why do you keep saying"
"About someone who lives in my dreams?"
"She is my journey"
"and she's my destination"
"She is my sea"
"and she's my shore"
"Tell me what is this yearning"
"And where has it led me"
"Oh my restless heart..."
"Is this what love is all about"
"I listen to your story"
"About someday this distance being bridged"
"My heart hasn't lost hope"
"And I salute its persistence"
"What's this madness"
"what's this yearning"
"And why are you so hopeful?"
"Oh my restless heart..."
"Is this what love is all about"
"Oh my restless heart..."
"Is this what love is all about"
"Oh my restless heart"
"Is this what love is all about"
What do you think? - Its good!
The world is so small father-in-law. I wear this brand In India too
This is the first Indian denim brand which has opened a showroom in London.
And you are the first Indian who is getting his own wife married in London.
Do something, Arjun! - What can I do?
You are already doing it. - What am I doing?
Preparing for your daughter's second marriage.
I'm Jazz's father Manmohan and this is Bebo.
Please to have you here. Why don't you sit down?
Have some tea.
Damn...!
My daughter's got two in-laws in a single year...
one in Punjab and one in London. What will happen?
You made the plan...
Sorry.
Hello?
I am your new relative, your buddy... Ballu!
Balliye? I am in the midst of preparations for Jazz's... reception.
I will call you later.
Balliye from Bhagwada.
Everything all right, Mr Malhotra? - No.
No, no... everything's all right.
All right.
Though they are Browns they are pristine white.
Some milk, Mr Malhotra? - No, I'd like it brown.
I mean, I'd like it black
Black tea. - Black.
It might sound odd coming from your future father-in-law.
I just hope you know what you're doing, Jazz
Charlie is like an overgrown child...
gets obsessed with a new toy for a while and loses interest.
I truly hope that won't happen this time...
that his interest in you remains forever.
Dad, mom, this is Charlie's aunt Pauline and her husband Mr William.
How d'you do? - Oh Pauline!
So shocked to see your nude picture on a beach in some newspaper.
What are you saying? What she meant to say was...
she is very upset with the press for what they're doing...
to respected people like you.
Do you know what you are saying?
Shit! Dad is here.
Jazz, this is Mr John Pringle. He's got an old connection with India.
His great grandfather was a high ranking officer of the East India Company.
Oh really?
This is my fiancee, Jazz. - Jazz?
Isn't that a kind of music?
So when did the Indians have such fancy names, Charlie?
Actually, it's short for Jasmeet.
Then Jazz must be your attempt to be one of us.
There's one smart girl you got there, Charlie. Don't blame her.
She doesn't want to be known as coming from the land of snake charmers, right?
Tell me, Jazz, they still do the India rope trick in your country?
No, Mr Pringle
And it's not just a land of snake charmers. Right, Charlie?
Yes, it's not just a land of snake charmers.
It's also a land of chicken tandoori and call centres.
You know India is not just all that, right?
Of course, my dear, India is not all that.
Fortunately, Charlie doesn't know. But I do.
Winston Churchill once said, if we ever left India...
it'd be run by the goons. And my God, it is
If you just excuse me. - Certainly, madam.
I felt bad because I am an Indian...
But what happened to you? Why did you feel bad?
You are British!
Forget it. It doesn't matter where you live, you will always be an Indian.
Come...
Where?
I guess his grandfather saw some other India...
let me give him a guided tour of the real India...
Mr Pringle, he'd like to tell you something about India.
Really? I'm all ears.
When we greet one another, we fold our hands in namastey...
because we believe...
that God resides in the heart of every human being.
We come from a nation where we allow a lady of Catholic origin...
to step aside for a Sikh to be sworn in as Prime Minister...
or a Muslim President to govern a nation of over 80 percent Hindus.
It may also interest you to know that...
many of the origins to your words come from Sanskrit.
For example, maatr becomes mother...
bhratr becomes brother, giamiti becomes geometry
trikonniti becomes trigonometry.
We have 5600 newspapers...
magazines in over twenty-one different languages...
with a combined readership of over 120 million.
We have reached the moon and back, but yet...
you people still feel that we've only reached as far as the Indian rope trick
We are the third largest nation in the world...
of doctors, engineers and scientists.
Maybe your grandfather didn't tell you that...
we have the third largest army in the world.
And even then, I fold my hands in humility before you...
because we don't believe we are above or beneath any individual.
And...
namastey.
Eventually your husband came to your rescue, right?
I was just kidding. Don't you watch movies or what?
Jazz, there you are.
Great speech, man. We haven't been introduced.
I'm Charles Brown. - Arjun Singh.
And how do you know her?
What?
I... friend... India.
Great. So he must be here for the wedding here, right?
He is asking if you are here for our wedding...
Yes, I am here because of our wedding
So there you go, Jazz. You said you can't find a bride's mate.
Maybe this man can be your best man.
He means, you should be my best man at the wedding.
I don't know how to translate "best man" in Hindi.
Best man means the best guy in your life, which is me.
Know what will be great? A rugby match.
India versus England. The Malhotras versus the Browns.
This Sunday. Let's see how good India is at something as...
there's no cricket. What do you say?
Great.
Nice meeting you, Arjun. Come, my dad's might raise a toast for it.
Would you mind taking a break now, gentlemen?
Hello. May I ask for your attention please?
Has everybody got a drink? Fine. Just want to say a few words.
Welcome, family and friends.
We're happy you are here as we welcome...
Mr and Mrs Malhotra into our family.
Mind you, thanks to Charlie, I get to see you all rather too frequently.
Unfortunately this is the fourth occasion in the last two years.
Dad, it's not the time... - Yes. My son says that...
I should try to forget the past and look forward...
to the future. And he's quite right because his future...
is this bright and beautiful girl next to him... Jazz
I'm sure he has found true love this time.
Congratulations to you both. Jazz and Charlie.
I want to go back to India
but it is impossible for me to stay away from Jasmeet.
I want to stay but...
what Jazz is doing...
that I can't bear to watch either. - Would alcohol reduce the problem?
In such situations, one should have poison...
but my heart has settled for alcohol.
You talk about hope, you talk about love...
and today you are losing heart.
I talk a lot...
but sometimes I forget...
that I am just a human being.
I forgot to tell you one thing...
I don't know how to play rugby.
Hey boy, I am just like your father. Be gentle.
What are you doing? - What are you doing?
Friend, this is strategy... strategy... - What strategy?
Life saving strategy! Only if we stay alive we will win!
Come on, dad. Come on!
What are you doing? The ball was to be given to lmran.
It is possible that he's secretly playing for the British.
It's no cricket, is it, boys?
Oh no... Oh no... What have we got ourselves into?
In our country we usually play small indoor games during weddings...
here we have to save our self respect wearing only our undergarments.
That is because that idiot Punjabi boy accepted a challenge...
But where is that idiot Punjabi boy?
Over there... in the stands...
sitting and enjoying popcorn with the ladies.
No problem, no problem. Things can change... no problem!
Typically Indian... don't lose hope even when they are losing.
Until you are defeated, you are considered a winner.
But Charlie is the University Rugby Champion...
that's why he challenged you for Rugby and not Cricket.
Oh... OK... I thought he watched Lagaan and that's why...
What Lagaan? - Don't you watch movies?
Yes, I do, but not Hindi. - Oh, that's why.
As long as there is hope, there is everything. Wanna bet?
Don't bet, you will lose.
That is my problem.
If I win, then you have to show me London...
If I lose, then I will pack my bags and go back to Punjab.
Don't threaten me about going back to Punjab...
OK, even if you lose, I will still show you London.
Imran?
Arjun! Come here.
Remember the bet? You have to show me London.
Push up, push up!
Good! - What is to be done?
Nothing... just hold the ball...
and run like a bull towards the goal post. Here.
Catch my tiger if you can!
Easy, guys.
Get them!
We beat the British!
Have some water.
Sorry.
"What has happened to me all of a sudden?"
"My heart beats to tell this story"
What will you have? - Alcohol...
Two vodkas.
"What has happened to me all of a sudden?"
"Oh, what has happened to me?"
"My heart beats to tell this story! About how it craves to be with you"
What are you doing?
After looking at the whole of London I felt that...
it would be better to look at you ...that is why...
I'm doing these rounds.
You intrigue me... I behaved so badly with you
and even then you are not angry with me?
Where there is love, there is no anger. In fact, there is hope.
What hope?
Hope that you will not marry such a bad rugby player.
And if you do, then many years later, when we are old,
I will come to London and call you. - And you will say...?
On the phone I will say, Jasmeet, I want to meet you...
please come and meet me.
You don't want to meet me...
Why meet after so many years? How will it help?
But I insist,
Don't say no, Jasmeet.
You are stubborn... your refusal is strong
and your tone firm...
It will be better if we don't meet.
But I will wait for you at the same place...
with the hope that you will come...
Then? - Then...
We look at each other.
feeling strange...
we look at each other and remember how we looked when we were young.
You are still very beautiful.
Don't talk rubbish... I have grown old now.
You look down...
the way I start talking looking directly into your eyes...
you don't like it.
Don't look at me like that...
Why did you come back?
There is silence for a moment...
there's nothing left to say...
you stand there in silence.
a veil of sadness cloud your eyes...
mine too.
Are you happy?
And what did I say?
And you said...
The meaning of true love...
...ls not to possess.
What does that mean?
How would I know? You said it... you should know.
Here we go, darling. - Thanks.
One for the big man. - Thanks.
This man can drink.
So tell me, Arjun, except our marriage what brings you to London?
What did he say?
He is asking what brings you to London besides the wedding.
I have come to pacify my wife and take her back home.
What he's saying?
I marry Jazz...
parcel... take away.
I think I got it. So you're...
staying for the wedding and then you're gonna go.
Yeah, yeah.
Jazz, translate correctly in English, otherwise later he will accuse me
that I didn't warn him of my real intention for being here.
Whatever. We'll leave you guys to catch. C'mon girls.
I'll go. - It's dancing time.
What intention?
"Let me tell you what's in my heart"
"I want to take you far away as my Heer"
"To take you away, my dear"
"And to gaze at you forever"
"I offer my entire youth to you"
"I dedicate my whole story to you"
"You are in my eyes, you are in my breath"
"You are in my heartbeats, you are in my body and my soul"
"I'm crazy about you, you're crazy about me"
"Why do you pretend to be unaware"
"That you're my life, sweetheart"
"To take you away, my dear"
"And to gaze at you forever"
"I am the one your heart keeps asking about"
"Why don't you realise that I am your Mahiwal and you're my Sohni"
"You are my beloved, my sweetheart"
"You've given my heart a whole new experience"
"There is so much magic in your beauty, that I've no control over my heart"
"It's only you in every breath of mine, that's all I want you to know"
"To take you away, my dear"
"And to gaze at you forever"
Get off from me! D'you ever look into the mirror?
Back off.
What's wrong? Sorry.
So what's your problem, young man?
Sir...? - Can't you find yourself a girl...
in your own community? - Or are you just curious to know...
what children from mixed marriages looked like.
Great joke.
I mean... I love Susan, I'm gonna marry Susan...
I mean, I want to marry Susan
So what'll it be, lmran?
Would you prefer the name lmmanuel?
Or would you like lan as a name?
I don't really understand, sir. Susan...?
He's talking about changing your name from lmran to something appropriate?
I suppose you do understand that you have a baptised Christian...
to marry my daughter, right?
Yeah, but of course, sir.
And you have to provide me with a written statement clarifying...
that none of your family members are involved in terrorist activities.
What are you doing here?
I could ask you the same question. What are you doing here?
I've always seen you either at a disco or a bar.
I am changing my religion.
So it's like the last salute of the soldier going to the warfront.
But saying goodbye to God will not
reduce the feeling of deception, lmran, right?
Susan's father wants me to change my name, religion...
and become a Christian. - Are you marrying Susan's father?
But Susan didn't object to this. It means...
Very good, my lover boy. You're leaving your 26 year old identity,
name and religion for a girl whom you've barely known for 26 weeks.
See that?
That father wants to pass on his tradition to his son
because he got the same from his father.
But the day he will come to know that his son is going to leave...
all his traditions and principles...
...what will happen to his feelings?
I am also a Punjabi...
I respect love...
but my dear friend, there are no conditions in love.
See you.
Hi. - Hey.
Everybody...
I'd like to introduce lmmanuel.
No. Imran.
I'm lmran Khan.
I'm sorry, Susan.
I will not change my name or religion.
I respect all religions.
And we can't build our relationship on such conditions.
I can't give up who I am to become one of you.
What the hell are you talking about?
Sir...
I'm sorry. But your conditions are just unacceptable for me.
Susan, I love you.
And I want you to love me for who I am, not what you can make me into.
And if this relationship is about changing my name or religion...
then I'm sorry, I don't think it's worth the effort.
Coming.
Jazz, darling... how are you?
I'm so excited. I have us both enrolled in dance classes
What...? I don't need any dance lessons, honey.
I've had practise dancing in my previous wedding.
It's your first wedding, not mine.
It's my fourth. - But I need a partner.
And it's our wedding. At least give me company.
I won't stop you, you go ahead. Ask Archie to step in for me.
It's not Archie, it's Arjun. I know, I mean...
Jazz, I've got to go. Okay?
I don't believe him.
You're doing great.
More passion.
Head up, chin up... up... good.
Keep going
That's it. Keep going.
Thank you, Arjun.
I will never leave the chance of dancing with you.
By the way... you dance pretty well.
Just play the drum once and I will show you what's a Punjabi dance.
Bhangra! I must say that your taste is not good.
Don't say that... I liked you at first sight.
Are you flirting with me? - From the very first day...
and you realised it now?
When you return home, what you will do?
Will you marry someone else?
I'm already married!
I know, I know..."I am joking. Don't you watch movies?"
I'm not joking...
I am not going to marry again.
"What has happened to me all of a sudden?"
Hi Charlie. - Jazz, I need you here, now.
You need me to come right now? - Don't argue with me. It's worth it.
Can you just give me five minutes? I'm at the dance class.
Just forget about the dancing. Leave the dancing for a minute.
It's a hard concept to understand. The man leaves, the woman follows.
Charlie, don't behave like a child. Just give me five minutes.
Don't call me a child. Just get into a taxi...
I'll pick you up at the other end. Okay?
I need you here, right now.
Fine. I'm coming.
I'm sorry.
Mr. Charlie does not have the time to dance but...
the timing of his phone call was impeccable.
Okay, goodbye.
This is the perfect location for our reception.
Follow me.
We'll have the band playing here
I'm thinking about asking Phil Collins.
Come over here.
We're gonna have the biggest example anyone has ever seen...
the most exotic sweets anyone has ever tasted,
at the marquee of the hall grounds under the giant Roman Pillars.
Maybe all the waiters dressed as gladiators. What d'you think?
Jazz, what're you thinking? - Yeah.
You make me laugh sometimes. C'mon, come inside.
There's so much more to show you.
God! I love you
here.
Kiss me.
Stop.
What is wrong with you? - I'm sorry.
We're getting marriage in a couple of days.
Why are you acting like a...
bloody Indian bride?
I want a divorce!
Arjun. I am serious. I want a divorce.
You don't consider our marriage a marriage...
then how will you consider our divorce a divorce?
But you do, and that troubles me.
Charlie wanted to kiss me... and he has all the right to do so...
since we are going to get married.
But I... we argued.
You just give me a divorce!
Bebe, London is just like Punjab...
the only difference is that there are more Punjabis in London.
Did you roam around or not?
Yes... I did.
I've been going around ever since I landed here.
Then why are you coming back?
I am coming back because I miss you all very much.
I miss the village very much. - And Jasmeet?
Jasmeet had already packed her bags, but I said no.
Why?
She couldn't get any leave from the office.
She is crazy. She talks about leaving her job.
But I said no... no.
My son, tell me the truth
you both get along, right?
What do you mean get along?
She is more in love with me after our first night.
Shut up, idiot!
Hey, I am just joking...
and you watch movies too.
Ok, fine then...
goodbye. - Take care, son.
May you live a long life. God bless you.
Regards... God bless.
The meaning of true love...
is not to possess.
The meaning of true love is not to possess.
Am I correct?
Yes, those lines have been written to make losers in love feel better.
I am just joking. I wrote it.
Dance?
One... last time?
Look, Jasmeet...
neither could you marry me nor could I give you a divorce.
now we're even.
Will you promise me one more thing?
What promise?
When we get old...
and when I come back to London...
and call you,
please do come and meet me...
because for me it would be very important to know...
that you are happy.
What was that for?
Just saying goodbye.
You're a nice guy, Arjun
I'll miss you.
It's too late, lmran.
Really?
I just came to tell you that Daddy, mummy, me and Susan...
will be going to Karachi for a few days.
Moni, what are you doing?
Can't you see I'm drinking... I'm getting drunk.
You got your son back, right?
My daughter is going.
Enough, buddy. Don't drink more.
You have to take your daughter till the altar.
Leave it.
Congratulations.
You were right, Charlie.
I've got to be the best man, but you are the man for Jazz.
She loves you, and I wish you both a very happy married life.
Please take care of Jasmeet.
Sweet little Jasmeet.
Don't hurt her...
ever!
Or else, I'll come back for a match, and this time it won't be rugby.
Goodbye Charlie.
Goodbye Jasmeet.
Do you, Charles Brown, take this woman, Jasmeet Singh...
to be your wedded wife?
And do you promise to love her, comfort her, honour...
and keep her in sickness and health?
And forsaking all others, keep only unto her...
for as long as you both shall live?
I do.
Do you, Jasmeet Singh, take this man, Charles Brown...
to be your wedded husband?
And do you promise to love him, comfort him...
honour and keep him in sickness and health?
And forsaking all others, keep only unto him...
for as long as you both shall live?
No.
Run, dear. Run!
Truth is God!
Where are you going, son? We've got some rugby to play!
Hey Parvez...
Why did you pretend that you didn't know English?
My pretense almost ended at that party...
where I had understood everything Mr Pringle said in English...
and gave him a fitting reply in Hindi! You should have caught me then.
Jasmeet, I speak better English than you...
but you see I'm Punjabi at heart, I didn't want any confusion about that.
I am just joking. Don't you watch movies?